So I made a resolution 5 months ago to take care of myself. It sounds simple enough don't it? Let me confess I'm failing miserably. I'm smoking still which is screwing with my immune system. I don't remember the last time I went to the gym. I'm still not cooking, so I eat crap. And you are what you eat. As much as I talk about my divorce on my blog I'm really not dealing with it. I'm still surrounded by people who use me and take advantage of me for their own pleasure, because in my sickness I think being needed is the same as being wanted. I still let people's opinions of me effectively alter my mood. My life is a disorganized disastrous mess, as my living room floor often reflects. I obsess about things and people and situations that don't matter. I can't remember the last time I went to church. And it is quite possibly the birth control hormones but I've been thinking a lot about the play Death of a Salesman lately. And I know I'm too hard on myself. I'm human you say. I'm doing better than some you say. But I say I'm not doing as well as I know I could.

Remember that movie I Am Legend? That guy didn't have it so bad in my opinion. Ok so those zombie things ran around trying to eat him, but he if hadn't been trying to save them, to fix everything, he could have just chilled with his dog watching Shrek until he died peacefully in his bed of old age. Not a bad life, and no one would have faulted him for it.

PS (No not "I love you" what are you trying to do get me crying again?) I seriously think those birth control hormones have me ALL screwed up, so don't pay too much mind to anything said here. Except to say that human injected hormones are a creation of the devil (or men maybe, I mean there's not much difference) to make women crazy. Remember Fried Green Tomatoes? "How many them hormones you takin, Honey?"